Notes!
by JacquelineHyde114
Summary: James, Sirius, Remus, and occasionally Peter, as all best friends do, write notes to pass the time! No point really, just fun.
1. History 5th year

Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter. If I did, I would be basking in the sun in Hawaii.

_S – When is this class over?_

J – When is it usually over?

_S – I don't know. When the bell rings?_

J – Very good Padfoot. Remind me to give you a treat.

_S – When does the bell ring?_

J – I don't know.

_S – You're no help._

J – Yeah, well you're annoying.

_S – Moony, when does the bell ring?_

**R – Not any time soon.**

J – You know Padfoot, it's not like we don't have this class three times a week.

_S – So…?_

J – So you should at least have SOME idea of how long this class lasts.

_S – I don't know…ever since Binns died he seems to be more boring, if that's possible._

**R – You'd think a ghost teacher would make it more interesting.**

J – Yeah, well, you see one ghost you've seen them all.

_S – Except the Bloody Baron. That one sends shivers up my spine._

**R – He's not a pleasant fellow.**

J – At least he can control Peeves.

**R – That's true.**

_S – This is torture! I want out!_

J – I understand you have an unbelievably short attention span Padfoot, but whining about it won't make time go any faster.

**R – It actually seems to make it pass more slowly.**

J – Yeah, it reminds us that we are still in fact stuck in this boring, pointless class.

_S – Fine, I'll complain about something else._

J – Aren't we lucky.

_S – What do you think Ravenclaw's chances of winning are at tomorrows match?_

J – That's not a complaint stupid.

_S – I don't care. What do you think?_

J – Well, considering the match is against Hufflepuff, pretty good.

**R – Don't they need to win by 250 points or less to keep us in the lead?**

J – Yeah. If they win by 260 points or more, then we're in 2nd place. 

_S – But if Hufflepuff does win tomorrow, we have nothing to worry about._

**R – You know, I think Hufflepuff has actually gotten better since Amos Diggory left.**

J – I think the whole school has gotten better since that git left.

_S – You just didn't like him because Lily had a huge crush on him._

J – Well yeah…He would also go on and on about how much better he was than everyone else. I mean, before every match we had against them, he would come up to me and say, "So Potter, no hard feelings about the outcome of the match today. Remember you still have a few more years to improve your Seeking skills. Don't feel too bad if you don't get to the Snitch in time. I myself had to train up quite a bit to become the Seeker I am today." And what would always happen? WE WON! HA!

_S – Does your arm hurt now?_

J – Yeah a little.

_S – Just wondering. I think you put Moony to sleep._

**R – No, just resting my eyes.**

_S – When's the next full moon?_

**R – I'm going to pretend you didn't just ask that.**

_S – What? I'm genuinely curious._

J – Full moon was just last week you dumb mutt. Don't you remember finding that new passageway into Hogsmeade?

_S – Oh yeah. Sometimes this class causes temporary insanity._

J – That's true, but I'm not sure yours is temporary.

_S – Ha ha ha. I'm James and I'm stupid. _

J – I'm Sirius and I'm a smelly fleabag.

**R – I'm Remus and I'm mature.**

_S – Bad Remmy! What have I told you about using the "M" word?_

**R – I'm so sorry. Excuse me while I go wash out my vulgar mouth.**

_S – We'll forgive you…THIS time._

**R – That's a relief. I was scared I would have to get on my knees and beg.**

J – You can still do that if you want to.

_S – Yeah, make this class a little more interesting._

P – Hey guys? Did any of you happen to hear what Binns was saying about the Goblin Rebellions?

_S – Of course not._

J – You're the only one who actually pays attention in this class.

P – But I was taking notes and didn't hear.

_S – Why bother taking notes? It's all in the textbook._

**R – I think that all we need to know about the Goblin Rebellions will probably be the dates and the main causes and effects.**

P – Thanks.

J – Moony, you should be a teacher.

**R – No…I don't think so.**

_S – Professor Lupin. What would you teach? Potions?_

**R – NO! **

J – You'd be a really good Care of Magical Creatures teacher.

**R – Yes, I can see it now. This is the proper way to care for a werewolf. Make sure to feed it three times a day and pet it every 2 hours and tell it what a good little monster it is. **

_S – Then run for your life and pray you don't get bitten._

**R – That sounds about right.**

J – How weird would it be though to work alongside teachers like McGonagall and Flitwick? They'd probably go on about how much trouble we used to make at school…always got told off for passing notes…

**R – Yeah, that would be really strange. Being treated as an equal by a teacher.**

J – We treated Samson like an equal.

**R – That was different. We treated him like a student. He didn't treat us like teachers.**

J – All things considered, the guy was only 10 years older than us.

**R – And all he ever did was tell us stories. He never taught us anything.**

J – I miss him.

_S – So how much time has passed?_

J – Since when?

_S – I don't know. Since we began this note._

J – You mean since YOU began this note.

_S – I don't care who started it! How much time has passed?_

**R – About 15 minutes.**

_S – WHAT? You can't be serious!_

J – Of course he can't. You're Sirius.

_S – You know how much I hate that pun Jamsie._

J – As much as I hate being called Jamsie. Besides, YOU thought it up genius!

_S – Yeah, when I was 8 and stupid._

J – Well, you're not 8 anymore…

_S – I hate you._

J – No you don't.

_S – Yeah, you're an evil git who likes to insult people. _

J – I'm not evil. 

_S – Yes you are. You even have horns!_

J – I'd rather have horns than fleas.

_S – You'll never let me live that down, will you?_

J – Nope! See how cute all the girls would think Sirius Black is if they found out he had fleas!

_S – HAD! Keyword HAD! As in DON'T have them anymore!_

J – Who cares if you don't have them anymore? You still had them!

_S – Well you know what? _

J – What?

_S – I don't know. _

J – Haha. I win. Moony, are we boring you?

**R – No actually. This is entertaining.**

_S – You don't think it's funny that I had fleas, do you?_

**R – No.**

_S – Thank you!_

**R – I'd go more with hilarious really.**

_S – Moony! _

J – HAHA! Poor Padfoot.

_S – Yes, poor Padfoot._

**R – Don't expect to get any sympathy from me.**

_S – Yeah, yeah . So now how much time do we have left?_

J – I think I'm going to get you a watch for Christmas.

_S – But then I couldn't pester you guys anymore._

**R – Somehow I don't think that's quite accurate.**

J – In fact I have no doubt in my mind that you will indeed still pester us. Don't worry.

_S – Just returning the favor, mates._

J – Oh, so you're saying we pester you, are you?

_S – Yes._

J – I'm so sure. Because we're the ones who have obnoxiously loud bark-like laughs…

**R – We're the ones who spend extraordinarily long periods of time in the shower…**

J – We're the ones who ask every 5 seconds when a class ends…

_S – Aren't you glad I put up with you guys?_

J – I give up.

**R – Same here.**

_S – Prongs, make the bell ring._

J – Bell, ring.

Binns drones on and on and on…

_S – Some wizard you are._

J – Why don't you make the bell ring then?

_S – Because I'm not stupid enough to try._

**R – Prongs, I think you were just insulted.**

J – I think I was too, in some messed up, coming-from-Padfoot's-mind way.

_S – Me? Insult you? Now why would I do that? _

J – Because you're a bloody git.

_S – _

J – The truth hurts, huh Padfoot?

_S – I'm not talking to you._

J – No you're not. You're writing to me.

_S – Fine. Then I'm not writing to you._

Bell


	2. Transfiguration 6th year

NOTES – Transfiguration – 6th year

_S – And turning into Animagi is very dangerous…blah blah blah…_

J – Have you ever noticed how she always seems to look our way whenever we start passing notes?

**R – It's not like she's never caught us before.**

J – Yeah, but she always looks at us like we're guilty or something.

_S – That's probably because we are._

J – She doesn't trust us!

**R – Why should she?**

_S – Yeah, she even told us that she's never had to hand out more detentions to any two students._

**R – I've had more detentions than my parents care to acknowledge.**

_S – I've had at least 3 a week since the 2nd week of our 1st year._

**R – You win.**

J – That's why they made you the Prefect. You've had the least detentions of all of us.

_S – I remember Wormtail almost started crying the first time he was handed a detention!_

J – Yeah, and Moony, you looked like you were about to faint.

**R – Do you blame me? I thought I was going to get kicked out! Dumbledore let me in and what do I do? Cause trouble.**

_S – But causing trouble is so much more fun than behaving._

J – Yeah, and you do make us feel guilty sometimes. That should count for something.

_S – You could kill someone with those You-Should-Feel-Ashamed-of-Yourselves looks._

**R – Ooh, I could have some fun with that power.**

_S – Prongs, we've done it. We've rubbed off on him. He's finally gone over the edge._

J – It's about time. I was starting to worry about him.

P – Guys! Did you hear what McGonagall just said?

_S – No, but I'm assuming it's either really funny or really worrisome since you stopped listening to tell us._

P – She said that turning into illegal Animagi is not only very dangerous but a felony! We could get tossed in Azkaban for life!

J – Why should we care? We're not planning on becoming illegal Animagi.

P – But w-

James grabs Peter's quill and hisses in his ear - "You put that in writing and anyone can read it! Then we will be expelled and tossed in Azkaban!"

Peter gulps

_S – If we did turn into animals, I wonder what I would be?_

J – Probably a really stupid animal, like a cockroach.

_S – At least I'd be hard to kill. _

J – I'd find a way.

_S – I bet you would be an albatross._

J - …Why?

_S – Because they're really funny looking. And they have big mouths. And they squawk at their friends when they see them after long periods of time._

J – I don't squawk at you guys.

_S – That's what you think._

**R – If anyone does find this, they are going to think we have some problems.**

J – I do have a problem. He's sitting next to me and stupidly leaning back in his chair, even though McGonagall is always after him to –

McGonagall – "Black, chairs have 4 legs for a reason. If I have to tell you again, you will have detention."

_S – Is it worth the risk?_

J – Is what worth the risk?

_S – Leaning back again._

**R – It depends. Are you booked for detention every night this week, or do you have a night to spare?**

_S – I actually have 2 nights to spare, but I think I need them to get my dumb Potions essay written. _

**R – You haven't started yet?**

_S – Of course not. I'm not you._

J – You know what procrastinators we are.

**R – Too true. Of course with my Potions skills I need all the time I can get.**

J – You're not that bad at Potions.

**R – My youth potion made that bird lose all its feathers. Then it died. I think I'm pretty bad at Potions.**

_S – Hey, that bird was about 80 years old. It lived a good life._

J – It probably wasn't your potion that killed it.

_S – It was probably just the twig that whomped the Willow. _

J – That's an interesting way to put it.

**R – And it doesn't make me feel much better.**

J – Padfoot never makes anyone feel better. In fact, I think he tends to make them feel worse.

_S – But I make you guys happy._

J – Yeah, when you're not here.

_S – I don't know why I take this abuse._

**R – Because we make you happy.**

_S – You make me nauseous._

J – Well, the soggy doggy smell isn't exactly soothing to the stomach, not to mention the fact that you slobber all over everything.

**R – I'm so glad we're having the conversation right before lunch.**

_S – I'm feeling carnivorous. I need a steak or something._

J – You had steak for breakfast.

_S – Your point?_

J – Just making an observation.

McGonagall - "Potter and company! What do the words 'do not pass notes in my class' mean to you?"

J – "Er…don't pass notes in your class?"

McGonagall – "Very good, Mr. Potter. Now I expect all three of you to stop, especially you Lupin. I would think a Prefect would know better."

**R – "Yes Ma'am."**

_S – I would think a Prefect would know better. Hissssssss!_

J – Nice Padfoot. Why don't we make this note a little more hazardous and write something like McGonagall is a –

**R – DON'T write it Prongs.**

J – Wasn't going to Moony.

**R – Why don't I believe you?**

J – No idea. I'm completely angelic and trustworthy.

_S – On which planet?_

J – Uranus.

_S – Wow Prongs, you're so funny._

J – I know.

**R – Looking.**

_S – Oh Moony! You pulled a Padfoot! I'm so proud of you! _

J – Moony no! How could you?

**R – Sorry Prongs, couldn't resist.**

_S – He's naturally evil. It just took him a while to discover the madness within!_

J – And you'd know all about that, wouldn't you Padfoot?

_S – Whatever do you mean?_

J – Nothing, nothing at all.

**R – So Prongs, have you had any luck with Lily?**

_S – Of course not._

J – Shut up Padfoot.

_S – Well have you had any luck with her?_

J – Of course not.

_S – Yes, shut up Padfoot._

J – I don't understand females! Why do they have to travel in groups? I mean, you call one of their names and the whole group turns around!

_S – Prongs, have you never noticed that when someone calls to Moony we all turn around as well?_

**R – That actually holds true for when any of our names are called.**

J – Well…yeah…but at least we don't have to have each other to take a trip to the bathroom!

_S – This is true._

**R – I wonder why they do that.**

J – That is what we are trying to figure out now, my dear Moony.

_S – Well, we've all been inside Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, and it doesn't appear to have any mind-boggling obstacles that would require the use of more than one person._

J – Maybe that's where they gossip.

_S – But girls gossip anywhere._

**R – I don't think even Dumbledore knows about the mysterious realm known as the feminine mind.**

J – Of course not. He's not feminine.

_S – Well then, maybe Wormtail knows._

**R – Padfoot, that's mean.**

_S – No one ever said honesty was flattering._

J – So you're saying Wormtail is feminine are you?

_S – Good James, you've finally learned to read between the lines._

J – Who screams like a girl whenever a puffskein gets near them?

_S – OK, I haven't screamed since I was…_

J – A third year. 13 YEARS OLD!

_S – Yeah, but it wasn't a feminine scream._

J – Poor Padfoot, so naïve…

_S – I seem to remember how a certain person who shall remain unnamed coughJamesPottercough who screamed bloody murder because he thought that Lily was going to hex him._

**R – Yet another fine example of him making a fool of himself in front of her.**

J – You know what? I was 14 years old, and I had already suffered the wrath of her hexes once before. They are scream-worthy. But puffskeins, come on…that's pathetic.

_S – Whoever said that it was you, Prongs?_

J – The Grim told me.

_S – You've seen the Grim? No! I don't want you to die! Well actually…_

J – Oh, go chase your tail you dumb canine.

_S – Go get your horns stuck in a pothole._

J – Go feed yourself to a werewolf.

**R – I'm insulted.**

J – Sorry, you weren't having any fun so I had to drag you in.

**R – That's quite alright. **

_S – My turn! Go bother a rabbit._

J – Go sniff someone's buttocks.

_S – Go provoke a garden gnome._

J – What did I tell you about that?

_S – It's not nice._

J – That's right.

_S -  Go howl at the moon, Wolf Boy._

**R – What did I do?**

_S – You have that smirk on your face. The one that says, "Oh, I'm so cool and mature. I pity you poor, lesser mortals."_

**R – I don't think I'm cool, nor do I think you are lesser mortals.**

J – But you do think you're more mature than us.

**R – Well, that goes without saying.**

_S – Who am I? Ah-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

**R – My point exactly.**

J – The Hogwarts Express.

_S – Nope, you lose. I'm Moony!_

**R – Oh please no. Anyone but you…**

J – OK, who am I? BARK – Hahahahahahaha.

_S – The Whomping Willow._

J – What? No. I'll give you 2 hints: He has the strangest mind of anyone I've ever met and he had fleas!

**R – Padfoot!**

J – Very good Moony!

**R – How did you figure that it was the Whomping Willow?**

_S – Well, it has bark. And I bet that it would laugh at us if it could, you know, after it hits everyone._

J – As I said, the strangest mind of anyone I've ever met.

**R – I suppose it's my turn. Who am I? **

**Messes up his hair**

J – Padfoot with fleas!

_S – You must be joking. Prongs!_

**R – Bravo Padfoot.**

J – Do I really mess up my hair that much?

_S – Lily's looking at you._

J –Hand flies to his hair and messes it up

**R – Yeah, you do Prongs.**

_S – It probably would have been easier on Prongs' simple mind if you had written, "I love Lily Evans."_

**R – No, because then Prongs and his simple mind would have simply jumped to conclusions and punched me.**

J – Yeah, probably.

Bell


	3. History 6th year

_S – 1000 bottles of Butterbeer on the wall…1000 bottles of Butterbeer…_

J – Bored Padfoot?

_S – Not at all. Why do you ask?_

J – I don't know. I just got this crazy notion that you were bored.

**R – Which is positively absurd because Padfoot never gets bored.**

J – Especially in history.

_S – Who could get bored in history? Not me, that's for sure._

**R – I agree fully. **

J – It's my favorite class.

**R –Prongs, that's going a bit far.**

_S – Yeah, you sound like Wormtail._

J – I'm sorry! Sheesh, no need to insult me.

_S – Ok, we need to do something fun. I'm bored._

J – HA! Knew it.

_S – Bravo Prongs. You have just been nominated for the I-Don't-Miss-A-Thing Award._

J – Who am I up against?

_S – Not sure yet. Possibly Moony, but he has to do something stupid enough to deserve a nomination._

J – Is that an insult?

_S – Congratulations! You won!_

J – You are such a git.

_S – I know. It adds to my charm._

J – Haha whatever.

**R – Along with the fleas and the tail.**

_S – Again with the fleas! I only had fleas ONCE! And I – Hey, wait a minute. YOU have a tail too, Wolf Boy! _

**R – True, but I never claimed to be charming.**

_S – And I bet you've had fleas at least once in the past 13 years!_

**R – I can proudly and honestly say that I have never had fleas.**

_S – Well aren't you just…special._

**R – Yes. **

_S – Aw…that's cute Remmy._

**R – Don't call me cute.**

J – Have you guys ever noticed how shiny Lily's hair is?

_S – Have you ever noticed how stupid James sounds when he's talking about how shiny Lily's hair is?_

**R – Countless times, actually.**

J – Haha, yes, you guys are just so funny. But looks aren't everything…

_S – Especially in your case, huh Prongs?_

J – There's an insult hidden in there somewhere. I just know it.

_S – Good Prongs, living up to your award, I'm so proud of you._

J – You know what? Why do we always go around insulting each other? We're all best friends! Why do we like to pick on each other so much?

_S – Would you rather me tell you how smart, dashing, and incredibly witty you are?_

J – That would be nice.

_S – Yeah…too bad for you I'm not a liar._

J – But I suppose being a git makes up for that.

_S – You need some new insults. You've called me a git twice on one piece of parchment._

J – Prat.

_S – Hey, don't drag Wormy into this._

J – What? That says P-R-A-T! Not R-A-T!

_S – Oh. Sorry. I find it a bit difficult to read that chicken scratch you call handwriting._

J – Moony, will you be nice to me?

**R – That depends. Will you pay me back the 5 Sickles you owe me?**

J – I don't owe you 5 Sickles!

**R – Yes you do. Last Hogsmeade visit you just HAD to have that bag of Zonko's Sensational Super Deluxe Itching Powder and you couldn't afford it because you wasted all your money on Dungbombs and that big box of Honeyduke's Best Chocolate. **

J – You know if memory serves, a certain werewolf ate over half that box of chocolate that I spent my money on.

**R – Oh come on, it was only about a third. Besides, it was right after full moon AND that girl who works there gave you a discount because you're a frequent shopper. **

_S – And she probably thinks we're cute._

J – Who doesn't?

**R – Teachers…That guy who works at Flourish and Blotts…Lily…**

J – Oh, she thinks I'm cute.

_S – Keep dreaming Prongsie._

J – Don't call me Prongsie. And of course she thinks I'm cute.

_S – No, she really doesn't._

J – Does too.

_S – Doesn't._

**R – Stop right there! Last time you two got into one of these little debates you wasted 2 ½ sheets of parchment!**

J – You're quite right Moony.

_S – Doesn't._

**R – Padfoot…**

_S – Sorry…I'll be good._

J – Oh that's funny.

_S – What, you don't think I can behave?_

**R – No.**

J – I'd actually go with bloody heck no.

**R – So Prongs, about my 5 Sickles…**

J – OK Moony, I'm just going to come right out and be honest with you. I'm broke.

_S – That's such a lie. _

J – It is not! My parents stopped sending me money after that last owl from McGonagall!

_S – Haha! No money for Prongs!_

J – What are you laughing at Padfoot? They stopped sending you money too!

_S – True, but I have other resources._

J – And those other resources would be…?

_S – Hey Moony, can I borrow 5 Sickles?_

**R – No.**

_S – Unreliable._

J – Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's face it. We're all poor.

**R – I prefer the term economically challenged.**

_S – And I prefer the term Moony stop using big words!_

**R – You know what economically means!**

_S – Yeah…I know._

Long awkward silence

_S – Guys? Hello? Did you DIE?_

J – Yes.

**R – This isn't Heaven, Prongs.**

J – True…and if it is, it's a scary place.

_S – Yeah, it vaguely reminds me of our History class._

**R – How strange. That couldn't possibly be because this is our History class, could it?**

_S – No, that would be too logical._

J – Wow, we really need to get out of this room.

**R – I second that.**

_S – Hey Prongs! I just got a great idea!_

J – What?

_S – Go jump out the window!_

J – Now that would be stupid.

_S – Yeah, but it'd also be funny._

J – For you.

_S – And I know that your sole reason for living is to keep me entertained. So what are you waiting for?_

J – Moony, can you be of some assistance to me NOW?

**R – I'm afraid I'm going to have to side with Padfoot on this one.**

J – You both are so cruel.

_S – Would you jump if Lily said she would go out with you?_

J – Show me the window!

_S – Hey Lily! We're trying to convince James to jump out the window. _

_**L – I would give anything to see Potter jump out a window.**_

**R – Well, there's a tiny catch.**

_**L – Let me guess, I have to agree to go out with him.**_

_S – Been studying up on Divination, huh Lils?_

_**L – Something like that.**_

**R – So, will you agree?**

_**L – I would, but I have no guarantee that he would die.**_

_S – Wow, that's cold._

**R – We better not show this to Prongs. It would break his heart.**

_**L – Stop trying to play the guilt card boys. It won't work. And why do you call him Prongs anyway?**_

_S – Maybe if you went out with James, you would find out._

_**L – I'm not that curious.**_

_S – Well, will you at least tell him that you'll go out with him so that he'll do it?_

**R – Yeah, you can even cross your fingers behind your back so it doesn't matter if you're lying.**

_S – That's so heartless! My little Remmy's finally growing up…_

**R – Shove it, Sirius.**

_S – Ouch. _

**R – So Lily, are you in?**

_**L – I would be, but the bell is about to ring.**_

_S – No it's no-_

Bell


	4. Potions 7th year

_Dear Mr. Prongs:_

_Mr. Padfoot would like to inform Mr. Prongs that he has a weird looking mouth._

_Love, _

_Mr. Padfoot_

Dear Mr. Padfoot:

Mr. Prongs is mortally offended and would like to know what inspired Mr. Padfoot to write such a cruel and heartless note.

Deeply Hurt,

Mr. Prongs

_Dear Mr. Prongs:_

_Mr. Padfoot felt that it would be in Mr. Prongs best interest to inform him of the misfortune of having a weird looking mouth. Mr. Prongs may feel free to thank Mr. Padfoot._

_Most Happy to be of Service,_

_Mr. Padfoot_

Dear Mr. Padfoot:

Mr. Prongs will most certainly not thank Mr. Padfoot. In fact, Mr. Prongs will be devoting the rest of the class period to pointing out all of Mr. Padfoot's countless flaws.

Seeking Revenge,

Mr. Prongs

_Dear Mr. Prongs:_

_Mr. Padfoot fears Mr. Prongs is dreadfully mistaken. Mr. Padfoot, as he is sure Mr. Prongs is well aware, has no flaws._

_Perfectly,_

_Mr. Padfoot. _

Dear Mr. Padfoot:

Mr. Prongs would like to note that Mr. Padfoot is an arrogant, self-centered git. Mr. Prongs would also like to present Mr. Padfoot with a well-thought out list.

1) Mr. Padfoot is too loud.

2) Mr. Padfoot takes too long in the shower.

3) Mr. Padfoot primps like a girl every morning before breakfast.

4) Mr. Padfoot is annoying.

5) Mr. Padfoot's feet are absolutely grotesque.

6) Mr. Padfoot eats more than Messrs. Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail combined.

7) Mr. Padfoot thinks he is good looking.

8) Mr. Padfoot is tone deaf.

9) Mr. Padfoot is mean to first years.

10) Mr. Padfoot had FLEAS.

Mr. Prongs rests his case.

_Dear Mr. Prongs:_

_Mr. Padfoot has reviewed the list presented to him by Mr. Prongs and would like to get a few things off his chest. Before he gets started, Mr. Padfoot would like to congratulate Mr. Prongs on his ability to count to 10 correctly. Mr. Padfoot is highly impressed. Next, Mr. Padfoot would like to say that Mr. Prongs is very rude and obviously quite foolish to write such things about Mr. Padfoot. _

1) Mr. Padfoot is too loud. (_Mr. Prongs has no room to talk_)

2) Mr. Padfoot takes too long in the shower. (_Mr. Padfoot at least does not smell like a stag_)

3) Mr. Padfoot primps like a girl every morning before breakfast. (_Mr. Padfoot is not a girl, though he is not willing to pull his pants down to prove it_)

4) Mr. Padfoot is annoying. (_Well…Mr. Padfoot can not deny this, given that Messrs. Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail all have to live with him_)

5) Mr. Padfoot's feet are absolutely grotesque. (_Mr. Padfoot has pretty feet_)

6) Mr. Padfoot eats more than Messrs. Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail combined. (_Mr. Padfoot is a growing boy and needs his nutrition_)

7) Mr. Padfoot thinks he is good looking. (_Mr. Padfoot IS good looking!_)

8) Mr. Padfoot is tone deaf. (_Mr. Padfoot has a lovely singing voice_)

9) Mr. Padfoot is mean to first years. (_Mr. Prongs ENSLAVED first years_)

10) Mr. Padfoot had FLEAS. (_Mr. Padfoot courteously tells Mr. Prongs to shut his ugly face and that the flea incident concerning Mr. Padfoot is never to be spoken nor written of again_)

_Mr. Padfoot hopes that Mr. Prongs will enjoy his commentary and now presents Mr. Prongs with a small composition of Mr. Padfoot's own._

_1) Mr. Prongs is gross._

_2) Mr. Prongs is a romantic, nausea-inducing SAP._

_3) Mr. Prongs starts to drool whenever he hears the words "Lily" and "Evans."_

_4) Mr. Prongs still has not beaten Mr. Padfoot's detention record._

_5) Mr. Prongs has messy hair._

_6) Mr. Prongs has a rather large facial discretion on his right cheek._

_7) Mr. Prongs gets grumpy when he doesn't get to bed on time._

_8) Mr. Prongs has the attention span of a dead beetle._

_9) Mr. Prongs smells funny._

_10) Mr. Prongs can not think of Quidditch without jumping around the room like a two-year-old monkey._

_Proud of his List,_

_Mr. Padfoot._

Dear Mr. Padfoot:

Mr. Prongs hates Mr. Padfoot.

Loathingly,

Mr. Prongs

_Dear Mr. Prongs:_

_Mr. Padfoot would like to express his sincerest disappointment that Mr. Prongs did not comment on Mr. Padfoot's brilliant list. Mr. Padfoot sees this as a great insult._

_Sadly,_

_Mr. Padfoot_

Dear Mr. Padfoot:

Mr. Prongs is glad that he insulted Mr. Padfoot.

Ha.

Mr. Prongs

_Dear Mr. Prongs:_

_Mr. Padfoot will cry if Mr. Prongs does not comment on his list._

_Tearfully,_

_Mr. Padfoot_

Dear Mr. Padfoot:

Mr. Prongs respectfully tells Mr. Padfoot that he is a pathetic little puppy and grudgingly agrees to comment on his list.

_1) Mr. Prongs is gross. _(Mr. Prongs is not the one who had bugs living on his body)

_2) Mr. Prongs is a romantic, nausea-inducing SAP. _(Mr. Prongs is dating the most wonderful girl in the WORLD!)

_3) Mr. Prongs starts to drool whenever he hears the words "Lily" and "Evans." _(See previous comment)

_4) Mr. Prongs still has not beaten Mr. Padfoot's detention record. _(Mr. Prongs only needs 7 more detentions to beat Mr. Padfoot)

_5) Mr. Prongs has messy hair. _(Miss Lily says Mr. Prongs has cute hair)

_6) Mr. Prongs has a rather large facial discretion on his right cheek. _(Mr. Prongs wishes that Mr. Padfoot had not pointed this out. Mr. Prongs' self esteem has just dropped 10 points)

_7) Mr. Prongs gets grumpy when he doesn't get to bed on time. _(Mr. Prongs likes his sleep and does not appreciate when the three stupid prats with whom he shares a room decide to exercise their already overused vocal chords when it is time for bed)

_8) Mr. Prongs has the attention span of a dead beetle. _(Mr. Prongs' attention span is longer than that of Mr. Padfoot)

_9) Mr. Prongs smells funny. _(Mr. Padfoot is misinformed. Mr. Prongs' nose works just fine)

_10) Mr. Prongs can not think of Quidditch without jumping around the room like a two-year-old monkey. _(Mr. Prongs believes that there are worse animals to which he could be compared)

Dreaming of Miss Lily and Quidditch,

Mr. Prongs.

_Dear Mr. Prongs:_

_Mr. Padfoot is happy that Mr. Prongs always does what Mr. Padfoot tells him to do and thanks him for his interesting yet inferior point of view._

_Master of the World,_

_Mr. Padfoot._

Dear Mr. Padfoot:

Mr. Prongs does not do everything Mr. Padfoot tells him to do. Mr. Prongs lives to spite Mr. Padfoot and loves nothing more than not doing what Mr. Padfoot tells him to do.

Of His Own Free Will,

Mr. Prongs.

_Dear Mr. Prongs:_

_Mr. Padfoot respects Mr. Prongs' right to believe whatever he so chooses and would like to inquire, if Mr. Prongs lives to spite Mr. Padfoot, why he still does everything Mr. Padfoot tells him to do._

_He Who Always Wins,_

_Mr. Padfoot._

Dear Mr. Padfoot:

Mr. Prongs profoundly wishes Mr. Padfoot would shut up.

Wondering Why He Hangs Out With Mr. Padfoot,

Mr. Prongs.

_Dear Mr. Moony:_

_Mr. Padfoot would like to know what is going on in the fine life of Mr. Moony. Mr. Prongs is being himself._

_Love,_

_Mr. Padfoot._

**Dear Mr. Padfoot:**

**Mr. Moony would like to know how many times he has had to tell Mr. Padfoot that Mr. Moony has to pay attention in Potions or else he will fail. Mr. Moony also wonders what Mr. Padfoot means by, "Mr. Prongs is being himself."**

**Curiously,**

**Mr. Moony.**

_Dear Mr. Moony:_

_Mr. Padfoot apologizes for interrupting Mr. Moony's precious study time. Mr. Padfoot would like to inform Mr. Moony that when he said, "Mr. Prongs is being himself," he meant "Mr. Prongs is being a bloody git." _

_Sincerely, _

_Mr. Padfoot._

**Dear Mr. Padfoot:**

**Mr. Moony is not surprised that Mr. Prongs is being himself.**

**Unfathomed,**

**Mr. Moony**

_Dear Mr. Moony:_

_Mr. Padfoot presents to Mr. Moony a rude and blatantly untrue list written by Mr. Prongs. Mr. Padfoot hopes that Mr. Moony will find it as outrageous as Mr. Padfoot does._

_Respectfully,_

_Mr. Padfoot_

Dear Mr. Padfoot:

Mr. Prongs would like to point out that Mr. Moony seems to find Mr. Prongs list to be nothing short of true. Mr. Prongs hopes Mr. Padfoot has observed that Mr. Moony is giggling.

Thoroughly Amused,

Mr. Prongs

_Dear Mr. Moony:_

_HOW DARE MR. MOONY GIGGLE! Mr. Padfoot sees nothing remotely amusing about that list of lies!_

_Feeling Betrayed,_

_Mr. Padfoot_

**Dear Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs:**

**Mr. Moony regrets to inform Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs that the lists composed by both Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs concerning each other are both very true. **

**Honestly,**

**Mr. Moony**

Dear Mr. Moony:

Mr. Padfoot and Mr. Prongs have settled their differences and have composed a brand new list concerning one Mr. Moony.

_Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs sincerely hope that Mr. Moony will enjoy this new piece of literary genius._

1) Mr. Moony is too tidy.

_2) Mr. Moony always turns in his homework on time._

3) Mr. Moony thinks that he is more mature than Messrs. Prongs and Padfoot.

_4) Mr. Moony gives evil glares when he is irked._

5) Mr. Moony eats more chocolate than the Easter Bunny and Mr. Padfoot combined.

_6) Mr. Moony often does not share his chocolate with his loving roommates._

7) Mr. Moony has not had half as many detentions as Mr. Prongs or Mr. Padfoot.

_8) Mr. Moony swears at people in his sleep._

9) Mr. Moony has long toenails.

_10) Mr. Moony sings in the shower when he thinks Messrs. Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail are not listening._

Mr. Prongs and Mr. Padfoot hope that Mr. Moony enjoys their list and patiently await his commentary.

_Love,_

_Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs_

**Dear Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs:**

**Mr. Moony would like to say that Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs are morons and that Mr. Moony is going to fail his Potions exam because of them. Mr. Moony offers his thanks.**

1) Mr. Moony is too tidy. **(Mr. Moony is never late to class because he knows where all his stuff is)**

_2) Mr. Moony always turns in his homework on time. _**(Mr. Moony does not want to fail his classes)**

3) Mr. Moony thinks that he is more mature than Messrs. Prongs and Padfoot. **(Mr. Moony IS more mature than Messrs. Prongs and Padfoot)**

_4) Mr. Moony gives evil glares when he is irked. _**(Mr. Moony is proud of his evil glares)**

5) Mr. Moony eats more chocolate than the Easter Bunny and Mr. Padfoot combined. **(Mr. Moony cannot deny this)**

_6) Mr. Moony often does not share his chocolate with his loving roommates. _**(Mr. Moony respectfully tells his "loving roommates" that if they want chocolate so badly, they can buy it themselves)**

7) Mr. Moony has not had half as many detentions as Mr. Prongs or Mr. Padfoot. **(Mr. Moony was not aware that this is a bad thing)**

_8) Mr. Moony swears at people in his sleep. _ **(Mr. Moony is unaware of what he says)**

9) Mr. Moony has long toenails. **(Mr. Moony will take care of this problem promptly)**

_10) Mr. Moony sings in the shower when he thinks Messrs. Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail are not listening. _**(Mr. Moony is terribly embarrassed and will never sing in the shower again)**

**Mr. Moony would like to conclude this session of note passing as it is nearly lunchtime.**

**Sincerely,**

**Mr. Moony**

Bell


	5. Charms 6th year

Notes – Charms 6th year

_S – Hey Prongs!_

J - ….

_S – Prongs?_

J - ….

_S – Prongsy? Come on, give Paddy-Waddy a smile._

J – Sod off, git.

_S – What's your problem?_

J – Besides you?

_S – Why don't you - _

**R – Padfoot, be nice. Prongs just found out about "Coffee Man."**

_S – Oh! You mean that seemingly irresistibly attractive guy that Lily saw at the Three Broomsticks and now she can't stop thinking about him?_

J – _You_ know about him too!

_S – Of course. Merlin, Prongs. Where have you been?_

J – How long have you known?

_S – Ever since our last visit to Hogsmeade. I overheard Lily, Alice and that other girl talking about him. _

**R – We've had classes with her for almost 6 years and you STILL don't know her name?**

_S – Sarah?_

**R – No.**

_S – Karen?_

**R – Still no.**

_S – Henrietta?_

**R – A huge, resounding no.**

_S – I give up._

**R – May.**

_S – May what?_

**R – No, that's her name. Her name is May.**

_S – Oh. That's a pretty name._

**R – Yes it is.**

_S – I was going somewhere with this…_

**R – Coffee Man.**

_S – Yes! Right. Well…actually…no, I think I was finished. Prongs just asked me how I knew about him, then you started scolding me for not knowing that girl's name, and now…here we are!_

J – So, what did they say about him?

_S – Well, Lily kept going on and on and on about how beautiful he was…you know, tall, blond hair, big blue eyes, nice sense of style – _

J – Thanks Padfoot! I get it! What did the others say?

_S – Well, Alice said that he was cute but his nose was a little on the large side, then Mary – _

**R – May.**

_S – Close enough. Anyway, she started giggling and said that he had a huge nose and could probably smell things a mile away. She also said he was too skinny. _

J – So what I've gathered from this is that Lily is attracted to tall, skinny guys with blond hair, blue eyes, big noses and a good sense of style.

_S – Well, you got the nose thing going for you! _

**R – Must you be so insensitive?**

_S – You're also kind of on the scrawny side…_

**R – You've gotten a lot taller this year.**

_S – And you don't have a bad sense of style…no where near as perfect as mine of course…_

**R – So you see? 4 out of 6 is good! **

J – But blond hair? Blue eyes?

_S – Blond hair? Whatever. Every woman wants a man who's tall, dark, and handsome._

**R – Except Lily.**

J – Moony, isn't Padfoot the one who's supposed to make me feel lousy?

**R – Sorry Prongs.**

J – It's okay. It's not your fault.

(Bell rings)

_S - "Wow, that was a short class."_

**R - "Not really. You slept through over half of it."**

_S - "That's right. I'm really hungry."_

**R – "Good thing it's time for lunch, then."**

_S – "Can't disagree with you there, mate."_

**R – "Now Prongs, I – Prongs?"**

_S – "Where did he go?"_

**R – "I'm…not sure."**

(Remus and Sirius run out into the hall to see James disappearing behind a corner.)

_S – "Prongs!"_

(Remus and Sirius catch up to James.)

_S – "Where do you think you're going? The great hall is _that _way."_

J – "I'm going to Hogsmeade."

**R – "Prongs…?"**

_S – "Why are y – Wait a minute…You're going to hex that Coffee Man, aren't you?"_

J – "I'm not going to hex him. I'm merely going to observe him from a distance to see what is so great about him then pick out his flaws and present them to Lily in a mature, dignified manner."

_S – "Then you're going to hex him."_

J – "It's just something I have to do."

(10 minutes later in the Three Broomsticks.)

_S – "Wow! No crowd! I think I'll order a Butterbeer…or five."_

J – "No! Focus! Remember what our mission is."

_S – "Hexing the Coffee Man."_

J – "Exactly."

_S – "Come on, just one little Butterbeer?"_

J – "No! You'll spoil your lunch."

_S – "We won't make it back for lunch, you git. You owe me a trip to Honeydukes."_

J – "Fine. Just shut up and don't make it obvious that we're looking for this guy."

**R – "I see him…at least…I think that's him…he fits the description…"**

J – "That's him!"

_S – "Wow Prongs, I think someone beat you to the hexing!"_

J – "Look at those nostrils! I've never seen anything like it!"

**R – "Do you feel better about yourself Prongs?"**

J – "You bet I do. Wow, looks like our work here has been done for us…comes on mates. Let's get back to school before we miss lunch."

Later that day…

Transfiguration

J – OK…we've got to write a note to Lily.

_S – We? You mean you want US to talk to her?_

J – Yes. I need your help. You know the harshest insults in the book, especially when it comes to looks.

_S – I'm good._

J – And Lily is actually friends with Moony, so if Moony makes fun of him, she's got to see the light!

**R – I don't necessarily see the logic in that…**

J – Just go with it Moony.

**R – Right.**

J – Why hello Evans.

_**L – Are you trying to land me in detention, Potter?**_

J – Why would I want to do that?

_**L – I don't know…but passing notes in McGonagall's class seems to be a pretty efficient way to do so.**_

J – Point taken. I just wanted to tell you now hard feelings.

_**L – I beg your pardon?**_

J – Oh you know…how you went and fell in love with that toucan who works at the Three Broomsticks.

_**L – Who told you?**_

J – You know how gossip spreads at this school.

_**L – Indeed. **_

J – You know, I can't help but wonder, what does he have I haven't got?

**_L - A conscience._**

_S - Ooooh…ouch._

_**L – Black, why are YOU involved in this conversation?**_

_S – You know, moral support in case you once again break Jamsie's heart and I have to let him cry on my shoulder and then pass him Peter's handkerchief._

_**L – Peter has a handkerchief?**_

_S – So it would appear._

_**L – Huh.**_

J – Sirius, how do you ALWAYS manage to steer conversations away from the original topic?

_S – It's a gift, mate._

J – Anyway, Evans, I think Padfoot has something that he'd like to tell you.

_S – Yes. James has fluffy pink bunny slippers and sleeps with a fat stuffed panda named Mikey._

J – I meant the OTHER thing you need to tell her.

_S –I would like to tell you that the Wizard known as "Coffee Man" is the proud owner of a rather large nasal bone. _

J – Can't you say it in a more…to the point way?

_S – His nose is bloody HUGE._

J – Better.

_**L – And how would you know this? You've never even seen him.**_

J – Don't be so hasty to assume that, my dear.

_**L – What does that mean Potter?**_

J – It just so happens…I have seen him. Sirius and Remus as well.

**_L – Oh no…you hexed him, didn't you?  
_**J – Well, you see I was going to…

_S – But when we got there, we didn't see the need!_

_**L – You two are horrible!**_

J – Evans, all we're trying to say is that he looked like he had jumped in front of a rather powerful Engorgement Charm, that's all.

_**L – Remus, help me out here.**_

J – I'm afraid dear Remus has sided with us on this one, Evans.

_**L – Remus? **_

**R – I regret to have to tell you this Lily, but I too found his nose to be…slightly larger than the average nose.**

_S – Face it Lils. The man has a beak._

J – Caw! Caw! I'm Coffee Man! Caw!

_**L – I hate all of you. Even you, Remus.**_

J – What about me?

_**L – Especially you, Potter.**_

_S – So, you hate me less than James but more than Remus?_

_**L – Exactly.**_

_S – I can live with that._

_**L – Though Potter, I would like to ask you something.**_

J – Evans, you don't even have to ask. Yes, I'll marry you.

_**L – Not quite. Do you really have bunny slippers and a stuffed panda?**_

_S – Named Mikey!_

J – Would it turn you on if I said yes?

_**L – Not in the least.**_

J – Then no.

_S – He's a liar. It's so true._

J – No it's NOT Sirius…

_S – Is too._

J – Fine…would you care for me to tell the world of what you've got hidden under your bed?

_S – Do your worst!_

J – Well…I actually don't know what you've got hidden under your bed…I haven't looked since third year and something growled at me from underneath…

_S – What?_

J – You didn't know that something was living under your bed!

_S – NO! _

J – Oh…well…huh…

_S - You've let me sleep on that bed for the past 3 years knowing that some monster was LIVING under it? Jeez! What kind of a friend are you?_

J – Well, none of us are dead yet, so that's a good sign!

**R – It's probably been living off of all the junk food you have stashed around the dorm.**

_S – I don't want to sleep in my bed tonight. James, you and I are switching beds._

J – No way. You think I want to sleep on your nasty mattress?

_S – What's wrong with my mattress?_

J – I've seen you when sleep. You drool all over the place.

_**L – Gross!**_

_S – And would you mind telling me WHY you've watched me sleeping?_

J – Well, once I was going to bleach your hair, because just as I had reached your bed and pulled back the curtains, I realized that I was out of bleach.

_S – And you didn't just conjure up some more because…?_

J – I was a little second year and it was 1:30 in the morning.

_S – Understandable._

Bell.


End file.
